SELF HARMING
SIMPLEWOOD FEATURE : LIFE/CULTURE
SIMPLEWOOD FEATURE : LIFE/CULTURE
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
Hurt - NIN/ Johnny Cash
It's that time again, the highest suicide rates every year as we attempt to adapt to advancing darkness and coldness. Although I may not be writing about the most festive of subjects, you could spare a thought for the people who will be cutting between Christmas and the New Year.
If you ever get depressed, or even just mightily pissed off, I would advise against self harm. In my case I found out the hard way that the only release is while you are actually slicing metal through your skin. From there on every time you look at your arms you will see scabs, scars, ugly reminders of a short moment of release. Despite this, after you have done it once, it will always seem like the easiest thing to do, so it will happen again and again. I'm so glad that the one time I sliced deep enough to scare myself I was with friends, otherwise I may well have carried on destroying my arm, and I may well not be here today. As it was, they brought a sense of reality to the situation, and the pale white scar is a permanent reminder of my stupidity.
When I self harm, I'm not attempting to kill myself, so I'm not slicing deep, I'm not trying to split a vein and spill my blood. I cut for the pain, to bring some sense into my life, to stop me lashing out at people I love. In my situation, I generally let things build up and up until I'm blocked in by depression and anger, and cutting is a release of that pressure. People ask why I don't go to a therapist, a psychologist, rather than hurting myself, but I hate talking to people at the best of times, even worse when it's people I don't know. If I was sat in front of a psychologist and asked to talk, I would be physically unable to speak. This crippling lack of self-confidence means that I have to try and be my own consciousness, and unfortunately cutting is my way of doing this.
Peace out, try not to cut yourself.
Merry Christmas
xxx
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over
Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
Hurt - NIN/ Johnny Cash
It's that time again, the highest suicide rates every year as we attempt to adapt to advancing darkness and coldness. Although I may not be writing about the most festive of subjects, you could spare a thought for the people who will be cutting between Christmas and the New Year.
If you ever get depressed, or even just mightily pissed off, I would advise against self harm. In my case I found out the hard way that the only release is while you are actually slicing metal through your skin. From there on every time you look at your arms you will see scabs, scars, ugly reminders of a short moment of release. Despite this, after you have done it once, it will always seem like the easiest thing to do, so it will happen again and again. I'm so glad that the one time I sliced deep enough to scare myself I was with friends, otherwise I may well have carried on destroying my arm, and I may well not be here today. As it was, they brought a sense of reality to the situation, and the pale white scar is a permanent reminder of my stupidity.
When I self harm, I'm not attempting to kill myself, so I'm not slicing deep, I'm not trying to split a vein and spill my blood. I cut for the pain, to bring some sense into my life, to stop me lashing out at people I love. In my situation, I generally let things build up and up until I'm blocked in by depression and anger, and cutting is a release of that pressure. People ask why I don't go to a therapist, a psychologist, rather than hurting myself, but I hate talking to people at the best of times, even worse when it's people I don't know. If I was sat in front of a psychologist and asked to talk, I would be physically unable to speak. This crippling lack of self-confidence means that I have to try and be my own consciousness, and unfortunately cutting is my way of doing this.
Peace out, try not to cut yourself.
Merry Christmas
xxx
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over
Strawberry Gashes - Jack Off Jill
Comments
Writer
Jave Mullion (View Profile)
Posted
24th December 2004
Other features by this writer:
- Winter
